Funny Birthday Card Messages and Quotes

Theres not much better  than a spot-on,  hilarious  line  to tickle your funny bone. Everyone wants to wish the birthday person Happy birthday in their own style -- so why not use some humor? Some people like to use inspirational birthday quotes  to express their good wishes, while  others enjoy making witty comments about birthdays. However, the ones that are always appealing are the funny birthday quotes. Humor can be a great stress-buster, especially if your comedic timing is on point.   How Much Is Too Much? Jokes are always great icebreakers, but what if you cross the threshold of decency? What if your joke, instead of causing ripples of laughter, causes bubbles of fury? To be able to deliver a funny birthday message, you need to be sensitive towards others. If the birthday person has a low tolerance for personal jokes, steer clear of the common pitfalls. That means, no jokes about weight, color, race, gender, or any physical deformity. Politically incorrect humor can boomerang, especially when used in birthday cards. Funny birthday wishes that tease someone about their habits, fears, or idiosyncrasies are usually considered acceptable.Humor also has to be tailored keeping in mind your relation to the birthday person. If you are sending a birthday wish to a very close friend or family member, you can be more wicked in your humor. But you may want to think twice about using dirty humor with your  boss, for example. The Done to Death Humor Some jokes are fun the first time you read them, however, when you read the same joke year after year, you tend to get tired of it -- it is hard to even smile over the stale joke. If you want to pep up your friend with funny quotes, make sure that you have not used them before. If you cant create your own humor, use the help of random funny quotes to create your own humorous line. Say What You Mean, Mean What You Say Humor is a potent medium of communication, and sometimes you run the risk of over communicating. What does that mean? Well, some jokes are full of innuendo, leaving room for different types of interpretation. So watch out for the ones that take off on a tangent. If you intend to use a pun, make sure that you are not offending anybodys sensibilities. How to Use Funny Birthday Messages To successfully pull off a side-splitting birthday message, heres what to do: Think about the person you are sending the birthday message to, and ask yourself, Whats unique about this person? Perhaps she or he is lazy, a workaholic, perhaps she has many pets or is a stickler for cleanliness. Then use this information to scout around the Internet for funny birthday quotes. Having found one that fits the bill, you can either use the original or tweak it to suit your humor style. That way, youll have an original greeting every time you send out birthday wishes. Famous Funny Birthday Quotes   Bette DavisOld age is not for sissies. ​ Satchel PaigeHow old would you be if you didnt know how old you are?​ Mitch Hedberg I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didnt have one. So I got a cake. ​ Doug CouplandHandmade presents are scary because they reveal that you have too much free time. ​ Norman WisdomAs you get older, three things happen: The first is your memory goes, and I cant remember the other two.   Franklin AdamsThe worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other. ​ Al FormanI occasionally get birthday cards from fans. But it’s often the same message: They hope it’s my last. ​ J. P. SearsLet us respect gray hairs, especially our own.​ Maurice ChevalierOld age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative. ​ Benny HillHave you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born? ​ Friedrich NietzscheBlessed are the forgetful: for they get the better even of their blunders. ​ Josh BillingsEvery man has his follies -- and often they are the most interesting thing he has got. ​ Jane AustenYou have delighted us long enough. I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but youre twenty minutes. Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason. ​ Bill CosbyA word to the wise aint necessary -- its the stupid ones that need the advice. ​ C. E. M. JoadMen are like wine. Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age. ​ John P. GrierYou are only young once, but you can be immature for a lifetime. ​ Jim GaffiganPie can’t compete with cake. Put candles in a cake, it’s a birthday cake. Put candles in a pie, and somebody’s drunk in the kitchen. ​ Steven WrightFor my birthday I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out. I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect. ​ Dorothy ParkerIf you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to. ​ Colonel SandersTheres no reason to be the richest man in the cemetery. You cant do any business from there. ​ Jack HandeyBefore you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

Models are Dying To Be Skinny - 1240 Words

We are always surrounded by ads and magazines showing extremely thin models, and are always getting shown dieting ads. A big problem in our society is everyone being so concerned with their weight and always striving to be thinner. A big question for our society, is whether or not models have a minimum weigh limit. Also, would a model’s weight affect our society at all if there became a minimum weight limit that models have to be ? According to health care communications , one study showed that sixty nine percent of girls in 5th through 12th grade has said that magazine images have influenced their idea of a perfect body shape. Out of these girls, forty seven percent were influenced to lose weight to obtain the perfect body image that they saw in the magazine images. Although losing weight could be a good thing if you’re unhealthily overweight, the study showed that only twenty nine percent of the girls that were influenced to lose weight were actually overweight. T his same study showed that 4 out of 5 women are not satisfied with their own appearance. According to the Huffington Post , many models images show up on â€Å"Pro-Ana† websites. â€Å"Pro-Ana† websites are websites that encourage people to have eating disorders in order to become skinny. These websites use the pictures of the very thin models as â€Å"thinspo,† or â€Å"thinspiration,† which means inspiration to be thin. The people that are visiting these websites desire to look like these models and become as thin as them byShow MoreRelatedEating Disorders1137 Words   |  5 PagesThe modeling industry has taken a toll on young girls across the world today. Models, magazines, television even the radio advertise thin is in. Because of this girls feel pressured that they need to look a certain way in order to look good. People need to start realizing that you can be curvy and still look excellent. Society needs to urge the fashion industry and media to s top portraying the perfect skinny, toothpick image because it is causing a huge array of health related problems to womanRead MoreEating Disorders : Celebrities And Teen Girls974 Words   |  4 Pagesbe causing a weight drop in people around the world. Kelly Cutrone, owner of People’s Revolution, states that models are born with the characteristics needed to model, and these models are not unhealthy. Also, Psychologist Douglas Bunnell states that stars simply show the horrors of eating disorders, and how people should avoid disorders of this kind. However, it seems as though the models are underweight as many have passed out because of dehydration. In refutation to Bunnell, it seems, through studiesRead MoreDieting And Fitness Routines That Can Help Me Lose Weight1469 Words   |  6 PagesFlipping through the latest â€Å"Seventeen† magazine, my eyes centralize solely on the teenage models posing in tight fitting clothes with the headline saying, â€Å"How to Look Hot†. I carefully read the tips on diets and fitness routines that could help me lose weight. My intent was to appear as skinny as the girls in the magazine. If I did not look like them, I would not be attractive. I mentally prompt myself to stay clear of carbs and to eat three meals a day with only snacks less than a hundred caloriesRead MoreThe Media Has Destroyed Teenage Girl’s Self Confidence913 Words   |  4 Pagesstance by explaining how the standards of beauty have been unrealistic, as teenagers are drawn into what they see and try to become what the media portrays. Graydon, also goes on to say that the exposure of unrealistically thin and beautiful female models and actors has teenagers obsessed with appearance or develop an eating disorder. Others might argue that having the media portray thin women has been helping teens stay looking â€Å"healthy.† I agree that too many teenagers are fixated on the media whichRead MoreThe Negative Effects of the Fash ion Industry on Eating Disorders1290 Words   |  6 PagesEating Disorders While it’s fashion week in London, the size â€Å"zero† models start to prepare for the big show by purging to be as thin as possible. Most models starve themselves in order to achieve the â€Å"waif†, stick-thin figure; it becomes so addictive, almost like second nature that it further leads to serious eating disorders. From recent studies, today’s model weighs about 23% less than the normal woman. Clearly, most models do not depict the average woman. Men and women all over the world followRead MoreEating Disorders : Anorexia Nervosa998 Words   |  4 Pagesfat. In reference parents allude to magazines only illustrating women with slim bodies that most females desire in life. Therefore, many young women follow the trends but fail to realize in an early stage of their incapability of having a body of a model, so females develop an obsession of having a fit body which leads them to begin their journey towards a â€Å"healthy diet†. In conclusion tha t’s when Anorexia and Bulimia slowly initiates. Likewise, both Anorexia and Bulimia Have Physical effectsRead MoreThe Influence of the Modeling Industry on Society799 Words   |  3 Pagesown body. More people feel insecure about themselves because society expects them to look like a model. Especially teenagers are targeted in an early age that if the teens are thin and pretty then they will become successful and happy in life like the models in the magazines. If only they knew that models are not so happy as they seem. The fashion industry obsession with thinness leaves the models a high risk of developing anorexia (Hawkes).â€Å"Not everything in life is what it seems.† The media isRead MoreThe Perfect Body Debate1091 Words   |  5 Pagesto be extremely skinny and will do anything to achieve this look even if it means starving themselves and rarely eating. Some women do not care for this look, and they like to have a little more size than say a supermodel would. Due to this, it has caused an ongoing debate about which side looks better and often causes fights. One of the most popular clothing brand stores named â€Å"Victoria’s Secret† released an image of eight â€Å"Angels† as Victoria’s Secret likes to call their models. These eight womenRead MoreShould Weight Loss Supplement Advertisements Be Banned?1233 Words   |  5 Pagesmanufacturers of diet supplements only market these products to increase their profit. If only the advertising of these products could be banned, there are so much healthy practices some athletes would take into consideration to lose weight and not risk dying on the field. However, some may not agree, but we live in a free world market and advertisers have the right to advertise any product that they want. advertising industry brings a lot of advantages nowadays as they give us information that we haveRead MoreMedias Influence On Eating Disorders1767 Words   |  8 Pages â€Å"Dying to be Perfect†: Medias’ Influence on Eating Disorders Poet Allen Ginsberg once said that â€Å"whoever controls the media-the images-controls the culture†, and nothing could be truer than this. Media plays a larger role in society within this generation more than many of us are aware of. It can easily impact people’s lives through aspects such as sports, fashion, movies or hobbies, but unfortunately, one of these impacts is how we view our body. Media constantly

Mha 601 Free Essays

Name: Erika Hernandez MHA601:    Principles of Health Care Administration Professor: Alisa Wagner Date: March 4, 2013 Avoiding Errors in Healthcare Management The health care organizations, managers develop new ways to address these errors among the postmodern and complexity adaptive systems (CAS). Managers must develop strategies for advantages of learning that if change is applied to our management skills in which is being implemented by the postmodern and complexity adaptive systems to become production. They are being faced with many challenges in any situation at our everyday employment or job setting. We will write a custom essay sample on Mha 601 or any similar topic only for you Order Now They must be able to determine what is correct when making decisions while knowing and learning to do what is right for the health care organization. In this assignment, I will cover the ten error scenarios and the explanation on why they are errors in healthcare management organizations. The first error that I will explain is failing to accountability for employee to learn safe machine operation methods by experimenting on their own. This error will allow them to exclude a step by step process, which a step by step process is what makes the organization operate at its best. I believe that the employees will benefit and develop their own way of processing these machines operations to better their job performance. Keeping a minimum routine can reduce the quality of product. The second error is training all employees with the same orientation program regardless of the cultural interpretation. In the United States, we live in a huge diverse world as time changes and also we retrieve the information given to us differently as well as how we interpret the information. The main point of managers is not to compare or contrast any situation, but to correct the way of everyone’s training. Our text mentions, postmodern and complexity adaptive system that both of them address problems between what people observe and what they think things should be. The next error is disciplining one employee, expecting a modest change in behaviour but getting a union response. The quality of relationships within a healthcare organization may be more important than the quality of the people, because healthcare organizations are essentially relational in their structures, processes, and functions (Stroebel, 2005). Healthcare organization relies greatly on the influence of the employees to establish a great relationship within the organization. An example would be having a great relationship with the patients and families as well. Another error is changing a work process without considering the role of communities of practice on the work performance. In this error, the employee with a disciplining can be a reflection of a change in the work place setting. We as managers must develop strategies on any change without the employees initiating and the outcome could be to better the organization. Healthcare management plays a huge important role that for them to know what their role is and how to execute their role and to receive the best outcome is hard work. The next error that I will discuss in addressing is assuming that employees will not reallocate work assignments based on their perception of the best arrangement even after receiving work allocation assignments from managements. If managers do not receive the correct information in the allocated time, they do not understand the dynamic of satisfying our clients. Being organized is the most important thing that can be handled properly to assure the best way for our organization. Another error is ignoring the speed of informal messages as they fail to manage rumours in a productive manner. We can provide an environment of psychological safety that will help workers develop an attitude toward innovation that enables them to act with a presumption of personal and professional confidence (Edmondson, 1996). This error can mean generating a negative energy throughout the health care organization and by providing positive environments can create positive production. The next error is failing to treat the organization’s dominant logic as an emergent property of the system, instead treating it as something that can be imposed on the system. In this error, we must prepare ourselves of what is we are going to receive as sometimes we do not want to know what the outcome really would be. In our hospital, we are having some of these errors that now they are being planned to better our organization for the best of the employees. Next, we have looking for one bad apple in a group as a strategy for improving work quality while the quality of output may be an emergent property of the group can also be an error. This can lead to paying attention to the irrelevant things that exist in the organization. For example, we set up control systems and end up watching the control system instead of the systems (Weick, 1985). The fact that the release of the any new product may change the market in such a way as it makes the market analysis incorrect. Our world is continuously change the ability to respond creatively to market analysis can lead to unexpected situations either to any healthcare setting organizations. I think by creating an environment where the whole people would feel free to discuss both the positive and negative outcomes of unintended events, and where the sharing of ideas is seen as a way to leverage new things in unexpected ways. Complexity science and postmodernism concentrate on â€Å"transforming the space of the possible. †    (Johnson, 2010). The last error of discussion is offering a premium to internal workers for extra production without expecting the change in rewards structure to affect relationship with suppliers. This is an error that provides incentives for the internal workers to provide production. Great managers are about making changes to bring the best out of our workers and giving them a pat on the back as to showing them what a good job they have been doing and recognizing their employees. Considering different ways on expecting and assuming what is giving this can open the organization up to better planning in the future. In conclusion, these ten scenarios as errors can lead to critical concerns within an organization that managers must develop strategies for advantages of learning. Managing healthcare organization requires being creative and helping people to do good things. Any decision making can be a key component to operating a great healthcare organization. As the change is applied to our organization the management skills will be implemented to the postmodern and complexity adaptive systems to become productive in the organization. References Edmondson, A. C. (1996). Learning from mistakes is easier said than done: Group and organizational influences on the detection and correction of human error. J Applied Behavior Science. 32(1):5–28. Johnson, J. A. (2010). Health organizations:    Theory, behavior, development. Boston: Jones and Bartlett. ISBN: 9780763750534 Weick, K. E. (1985). Cosmos vs. chaos: Sense and nonsense in electronic contexts. Organ Dyn. 14(2):51–64 Bird, K. , Kundu, A. de Lujan Perez, G. (2010). Using Deming’s principles to create the next generation of healthcare leaders. The Journal for Quality and Participation, 33(2), 15. Retrieved from the ProQuest database. Swedish, J. (2009). Leadership: Meeting the demands of the times. Frontiers of Health Services Management, 26(2), 31. Retrieved from the ProQuest database. How to cite Mha 601, Papers

Same Sex Marriages By Definition, It Cannot Exist Essay Example For Students

Same Sex Marriages? By Definition, It Cannot Exist Essay What is marriage? This word has different meanings for different people. To some marriage means a commitment between two people in holy matrimony, or religious marriage. To others it is just a legal contract between two people, or civil marriage. In actuality there is only one definition for a marriage. According to Websters Dictionary, a marriage is a state of living together as husband and wife joined in wedlock. Webster also identifies a husband as a man and a wife as a woman. Same sex marriages are morally and ethically wrong, and they are also impossible to occur (according to our modern language). Same sex marriages, even though inappropriate, can be solved without upsetting both sides of the scale. Many same sex marriage supporters argue, Why does every legal and political issue always have to be complicated by making it a moral and ethical question? If there were no morals or ethics in government, society as we know it could not exist. It is unthinkable how someone can make this point. If these people had some logic and thoughtfulness in their minds as well as in their hearts, they would not be making these ridiculous comments. Arguments of this type are the cause of crime and poverty in our country. People dont know the difference between right and wrong. Children need a mother and a father to teach family values and the difference between right and wrong. The world would be a much better place if everyone had a parent or a teacher to show the them the proper path. Unfortunately, this is not the case. If more of society would put a priority on their children and their future, there could be fewer problems faced by the community as a whole. If no one takes into account morals and ethics into their decision making, these deplorable situations could lead to a catastrophe. If no one has any morals or ethics, this great nation would come to its decline. If no one has any morals or ethics, not even the worlds most powerful military will be able stop the catastrophe. The argument against this point, raised by the supporters, is the question of divorced parents and single parents. According to religious philosophy, single parenting is also an improper system for rising children. If someone else is jumping of a bridge, then why shouldnt everyone else. One improper task does not give permission for another. This is just another of many illogical points made by the supporters. The purpose of marriage is not only for companionship and personal and financial support. The purpose of marriage, ultimately, is for procreation, and gay couples cannot procreate. Same sex marriage supporters argue infertile couples and couples who use birth control methods to prevent conception are allowed to marry. As far as infertile couples are concerned, that is something beyond their control. They can not procreate because they have no choice. Whereas homosexuals are able to procreate, with the opposite sex, but choose not to. In regard to birth control, it is also religiously inappropriate. The same thing applies here, as it did with the single parent issue. One improper task does not give permission for another. The supporters have an irrational belief that two wrongs do make a right, whereas they do not. What is the solution to all this nonsense? There are valid points made on the other side of this coin and there is a simple solution. Domestic Partnerships, which are already in use in Denmark and Norway, is the answer, but it is not marriage. The supporters main itch comes from the benefits of being married. The government and certain businesses in society give an advantage to those who do not carry the single status. The marital status shows commitment and responsibility in a person. These advantages include insurance benefits, hospital visitation rights, inheritance rights, wrongful death benefits, child support and alimony, and some others. Republican Party Essay1A domestic partnership can be the legal contract, which they confuse with marriage, that can give immoral and unethical persons the benefits they deserve as citizens of this nation. Domestic Partnerships is not another word for marriage, and it should not be confused with marriage.Domestic Partnership is a civil or legal contract with no purpose b ut to gain certain benefits.Marriage is holy matrimony with the purpose of companionship, personal support, and procreation. One may not agree with the thinking and ideas of others, but everyone deserves equal treatment under the law.Domestic Partnerships have already been proven successful in other nations, and it can be successful in this one. In conclusion, besides same sex marriages being immoral and unethical, they .